If i come over, it means nothing
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
