please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize