No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
