do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
barbara walters just said penis...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
