Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
