hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
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So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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