Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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