After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
