honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
