oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
