i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
