did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
