I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
