why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
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Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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