If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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