don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
