I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
