Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
