He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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