battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
