I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
