omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
