their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just threw up on my dentist
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
