9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
