I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
