Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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