i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
