So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
