I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
