My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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