They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
