Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
