She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
