we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I deserve this hangover.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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