it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
