Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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