fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
