perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
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You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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