I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
