He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
