Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
