I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Two words: blizzard sex
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
