I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
