i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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