All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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