tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
