I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize