she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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