This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
