dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
