just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
