i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
