But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
