I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
