I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
