ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
