I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
