Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
