Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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