we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
