I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
