I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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