So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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